14 Sep Wild is Really Wonderful…& Hopeful Too
Thank-you, Ladies on Literature!
I hosted the inaugural meeting of the 2nd season at my home Wednesday night. While we were a small group of seven (half of our members were absent), we engaged in one of the most meaningful discussions we’ve ever experienced.
And it’s because of Cheryl Strayed’s book, Wild. And so I now feel compelled to come clean: I am sorry for judging her so harshly. If you’ve read previous blog posts you’ll know I have high praise for the author’s writing and enjoyed her memoir but I was also critical of her self-indulgence; her reckless forays into the world of heroine, her promiscuous sexual encounters (not so much for the frequency but the lack of love or any kind of meaning–the giving away of self), and her almost heartless treatment of her saint-like first husband. And certainly that has been the common criticism of this book, from LOL members and many reviewers alike.
And I still maintain the foreshadowing of dramatic events never resulted in anything much at all, which came off as a bit of a “ploy” on the part of the author to keep people turning pages. Like she never fulfilled her promise of “wild” encounters with animals, humans, even her deeper self. Not a whole lot happens out there on the trail…or does it?
What I learned Wednesday night is that the death of a loved one touches us all differently and we simply cannot judge how someone else grieves. Cheryl Strayed was completely and utterly destroyed when she lost her mother at such a young age. I have two teens. I’ve attended workshops on the “teenage brain” and I know better. The truth is, our brains are not fully developed until the age of about 25. Until then we’re programmed to be self-centered risk takers. Cheryl Strayed lost her mother during some very developmentally vulnerable years. That alone grants her forgiveness. Who didn’t think mostly of themselves, do crazy stuff, live in oblivion of the needs of those around us until they were all grown up?
No one saw it coming, but our first meeting of the LOL evolved into the deepest of discussions. Members shared intimate details about loss of loved ones and how painful it is to let go, yet how much better off we would be if we could embrace the dying process as a natural part of living…if we could see it for the beautiful moment of release, the ultimate freedom it is.
Member, Gail, a physician, has been present at many deaths and while she says it’s difficult to define and she’s not sure what’s out there, there is something. The departed leave their earthly bodies and journey somewhere beautifully unknown. Gail says it’s an absolute privilege to be present, much the same as it is utterly magical to witness a birth. Much as birthing is a painful process resulting in the ultimate reward, so death is often a long, drawn out, humbling, and painful affair but the result is some sort of untouchable bliss.
It was a wonderful, touching, enlightening night and when we talked about the section of Wild in which Cheryl Strayed really lets it all out, cursing her mother for all the things she did wrong, it is a turning point in the book. The raw, honest emotion, the admission our loved ones are not (or were not) perfect but we loved them devotedly just the same, helps us to understand the frailty of the human condition–helps us to forgive them and ourselves.
Ah, the complex but blessed business of living…it’s a wonderful thing. And I’ve come away believing Wild is a wonderful book.
Something that struck me: When Gail suggested even when a patient is palliative, there is hope. There is always, always hope. I love that. And so I leave you with this treasure that Judy quoted from the movie, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel : “Everything will be all right in the end, and if it is not all right, it is not the end.” 
Wow.
Cheers,
Shannon